How to help your child realize that some kids seem doomed to be victimized because of their very nature or physical status, is there any real hope of bully-proofing your child? We say "Yes"!, you can help your child don a sort of psychic "bully proof" vest to deflect the insults and physical abuse that bullies like to dish out. And it's never too early to begin laying this foundation for self-preservation. Following are steps you can take to help bully-proof your own youngster:

Teach self-respect. A confident child is less likely to become the victim of a bully. How can you help? A pat on the back every once in a while works wonders. Make sure positive comments, "I like the way you picked up your toys without being asked" or "You did a great job getting yourself dressed this morning," outweigh negative ones by at least 5 to 1. Avoid labeling or name-calling (such as calling a child lazy, for instance) that can make a youngster feel bad about his or herself.

Let your child know it's OK to express anger or dissatisfaction. Don't chastise or stop your child when she's blowing off steam. Show her that you value her opinions--even if it means listening to a four-year-old argue vehemently about why she needn't take a nap or an eight-year-old expound on why she "hates" you today. Letting your child stand up to you now and then makes it more likely she'll stand up to a bully.

Stress the importance of body language. Verbally asserting oneself is not very effective if one's body language tells another story. Teach your child to hold himself confidently, to bolster his assertive words by relaxing his body (deep breathing helps), keeping her hands steady, and maintaining frequent eye contact. Bullies tend to gravitate toward kids who are unsure of themselves. These tricks will help your youngster seem self-assured, even when he's not.

Encourage friendships. Children who are loners tend to be more vulnerable to bullies. So, start early in helping your youngster to develop friendships and build social skills. By elementary school, it may be more difficult for a shy child to make friends. Perhaps your child needs help in learning how to initiate friendships or join in group activities. If your child has problems fitting in, suggest she seek out another youngster who's alone a lot, rather than try to break into a group of two or more children, It's also easier to participate in unstructured activities, such as playing on the jungle gym, than to join an organized game in progress.

Teach your child to express herself clearly, yet diplomatically. Help your youngster learn to use "I" statements. This form of self-expression works for two reasons: first, it's indisputable. For example, if your daughter tells a friend "I don't like to play that game anymore," who can argue with her? After all, that's how she feels. Second, the statement is non-judgmental. Your child is not putting the other youngster on the defensive. When a child knows how to express herself without stepping on other people's toes, she tends to be popular with her peers--and, as mentioned, having friends is a good way to keep bullies at bay.

Copyright © 2000 Frank Zinck. All rights reserved.
Revised: February 21, 2008