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"Bullying" is a common experience for many children growing up. According to the National Association of School Psychologists, about one in seven school children--that's about five million kids--has been either a bully or a victim. And the costs of this situation are enormous. Children who experience persistent bullying may become depressed or fearful. They may even lose interest in going to school.
What can a parent do? It's important to arm kids against bullies early on--to teach them how to avoid being bullied and how to defend themselves when such abuse does occur. It's also important to teach your children not to be bullies.
Before you can take steps to protect your child, however, you need to understand just what bullying is and why some kids tend to get picked on more than others.
What is bullying? Bullying is defined as any kind of on going physical or verbal mistreatment where there is an imbalance of power-usually a bigger, older child picking on a smaller or weaker one. Bullying is a game of "one-upmanship"--an attempt to win while the other loses. Another characteristic of bullying is that the victim appears to be very upset by the incident, while the bully is matter-of-fact, saying things like "What's the big deal?" or "The kid asked for it".
This difference in attitudes distinguishes bullying from more normal childhood conflicts--fisticuffs during a kick ball game or a heated argument over whose turn it is on the swings, for instance--where both children are equally upset and angry over what happened. It's really important for adults not to mistake bullying for normal childhood conflict. Some conflict between kids is expected. Bullying, on the other hand, shouldn't be tolerated at all.
Who gets picked on? Bullies tend to zero in on children who appear vulnerable for some reason. Victims are usually passive, anxious, sensitive and quiet, or stand out in some way: perhaps they are taller or shorter, wear braces, are overweight, or have a physical disability. At the same time, youngsters who are provocative and annoying, who seek negative attention from peers, also tend to get picked on. Both passive and aggressive victims tend to have few friends, and therefore few allies to rally to their
defense in a sticky situation.
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